Missing

god, this song is so heartbreaking yet so good (ಥ﹏ಥ)

I keep recalling the moments you were here
Each time, it makes me smile
So many seasons have gone by
Swiftly without a sound

The clock’ s hands are moving
I want to move on, but
The seasons are leaving me behind
Forever and ever

The reason I'm not forgetting you
is because you cried
Even now
I ended up searching (for your voice)
This entire time

Getting hurt, and hurt again
They say everyone will someday grow up
I’m missing you, missing you so much
But your voice is just not here
Aaaaa
Just why won’t this feeling reach you

The distance we’ve been apart
If only that can make me stronger
I'll keep wishing of
the future I believe in
Endlessly

However
If this is a dream, please wake me up

The conversations we had..
The days the tears were shed..
So I make a wish upon the star
No more than this one wish

I don’t want to lose anything anymore
We can still protect it
Let me hear your name
I’ll call you with all my might
Yet, it’s just nowhere to be found

Getting hurt, and hurt again
They say everyone will someday grow up
I’m missing you, missing you so much
But your voice is just nowhere to be found

The darkness of this grief
Let it be light to another
I keep on breathing, and breathing
Hopefully this wound will heal someday

who was it?

I've been living in my own world
believing that nothing's gonna change
and before I realize it
I'm losing you bit by bit

I'm still living in my own world
keep denying that it's happening - losing you
and before I realize it
we already fall apart

I will live in my own new world
where everything happened is just a memory
I'm trying to put an end to these denials
from these past two years
so there will be no more tears

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found this in my book, seems like this one is written in 2013

just who am I thinking of when I wrote this? was it him? or could it be....her? hmmm......

7th Anniversary

It's our 7th anniversary~! May Allah blessed us and our friendship. May Allah help us in keeping our friendship intact so that it will last forever. We may be apart from each other physically, but don't let the distant tear us apart from each other.

Allow me to send an appreciation message to my precious friend. Kalau ada yang terasa sebab aku tulis untuk dia je, I'm sorry. You guys do know how much I treasure her right? :P

To Tehah,

We have been together for 10 years now. We have gone through some ups and downs within these 10 years. We once kept a distance, but we managed to stay by each other side. We once, almost ended our friendship, we didn't talk to each other for months and again, somehow we managed to stay. Then the same thing happened, and again, we decided to stay. I know it's not good to think this way, I can't help it but think that we may repeat the same thing over and over again. If that will ever happen again, please remember that deep down, I never want us to be separated. All I ever wish for is for us and the other Eleven's members to stay together forever. If you ever notice that I've been away for so long, drag me back. It could be that I'm running away from something again. I'm a coward. I'll never talk about myself if nobody ask me. Even if someone did ask me, there's no guarantee that I'll talk about it. Here's a tip. Force me to talk about anything you want to know. That's the only way you'll ever hear from me. Force here means, keep asking me. Asking me once won't get you anywhere. So yeah, keep asking me the same thing until you get the answers. Last one, remember this, glued it in your memory, use a super strong glue; I love you. I never hate you, not even once. I'll never be able to hate you. No matter how much I get hurt by your words and actions, I'll end up forgive you.

Sincerely,

Me.

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To the others,

I love you guys as well. I know that I've never really talk about myself. Even if I do talk about it, it always stuff from years ago. That's why, if you have any question, if you are curios about something related to me, just ask. Don't worry about me end up crying from talking about it. Some of you did told me few years ago that you guys are afraid to ask me because you are worried that I might end up crying. *sigh* Don't be stupid guys. Just ask me. Anything, anytime.

Oh! If you just want to talk to me about normal stuff *what's normal stuff anyway?* or you know, talk about stupid shits is fine too. Just send me a text! A call is fine too, depends though. 

hahahaha, I'm bored. I'm stressed due to my assignments and test and midterm exam.

I miss you guys la sebenarnya :/ it's our 7th anniversary but never once, we celebrate it together *sigh*

sorry for all these useless rambling. I should be doing my term paper (essay) that must have 2500 words instead of typing all of these stuff *sigh*

Ok la, better go now. It's 12.45am already and none of my assignment is done yet. Well, I won't do it like right now anyway, I wanna go to sleep already, feels so tired.

******************************************************************************************

「One Hundred Million Stars Falling from the Sky」

What are you to me

What am I to you

I wonder what we mean to each other

There's no way for me to know that

For a heart to turn grief-colored

I'm sure there must be a reason

Before I know it, I got scared

Whenever I'm immersed my thoughts about our future together I feel unsettled

I don't want to, I hate it

When I get involved in the things I can't

I become frightened of the loneliness

and lonely because of my fear

Upon the one hundred million stars falling from the sky, I just wish for one thing

It's all because of your profile right beside me that feels so distant

You will grow old

I will grow old

The two of us will shrink

Together we become stars

Right next to us

Death was really close

Before I know it, I got scared

Whenever I think about things I can't imagine I feel unsettled

I don't want it. I hate it.

When I tried to avoid things I couldn't comprehend

I gazed absently at the night sky, just to get nowhere

Upon the one hundred million stars falling from the sky, I just wish for one thing

Compared to this vast universe I'm far too small

Even though distant

It will draw closer

Like a whisper

Praying

Even though piercing

It means no harm

Teasingly

Glittering... Shooting across the sky...

Upon the one hundred million stars falling from the sky, I just wish for one thing

When I become a star one day, I wonder if I can still stay beside you

This single piece of wish soars

and melt into the deep blue sky

At the end of these one hundred million glitters

I'm alone, thinking of you

Kahkahkah

Setting

Venue: Dapur

Time: Lepas buka puasa

Aku dekat sinki basuh pinggan mangkuk. Atas freeze sebelah sinki tu ada kotak(?) telur (aku tak tahu apa nama dia, benda yang orang letak telur, yang kau beli sepapan tu, aku tak tau la tapi bapak aku panggil sepapan telur xD). Kucing aku, Tompok nama dia *cliche* cakar-cakar la kotak telur tu then adik aku masuk dapur nak basuh pinggan, sementara tunggu aku siap tu, dia pun borak dengan Tompok. Masa dia nak borak dengan Tompok tu aku tengah cakap dengan dia, tak ingat apa yang aku cakap. Then

Edot: *sambil usap-usap kucing yang tengah bercakar* Aciiiikkkk, Acik buat apa?

Aku: *stare her* Oi!

Edot: Eh, silap! Tompooookkk, Tompok buat apaaaaaa? *gelak-gelak*

Aku: *smirking* Tompok basuh pinggan

The End.

***********************************

Faham apa yang jadi? She mistook our cat's name with nickname that she use to call me. Dalam rumah aku biasa tertukar nama kucing dengan kucing lain. Dia? Sengal betul. Lepas tu start la event menganjing dia. Setiap kali cakap atau tanya pasal Tompok, aku jawab and tukar nama Tompok jadi Acik. Sesi menganjing berterusan for almost 3 days. Satu family join weh! Seronok aku kenakan dia xD

氷菓

Ha! Dah delete menggatal nak buat balik blog. Awal-awal semangat publish post, lepas tu? Sudahnya habis seminggu cuti inter-sem baru ada post baru. Tu pun start dengan depressing post *immatrash *slap

Kbye

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I don't even know why tapi aku buat keputusan untuk jauhkan diri. Aku lari dari kau. Bukan baru. Dah lama. Dah banyak kali. Tapi tak pernah teruk macam ni. Dah berapa kali entah aku ignore call kau. Lepas tu guna alasan "sorry phone silent tak perasan" "sorry telinga sumbat tak dengar phone bunyi" "sorry aku dekat toilet tadi". Instead of call kau balik, aku sekadar whatsapp bagi alasan dan tanya "ada apa call?" Cold treatment. Itu yang aku bagi kau. Kejam kan aku?

Jangan tanya aku kenapa. Benci? Jauh sekali. Tak pernah terlintas difikiran yang aku benci kau. Aku sendiri tengah cari jawapan. When it comes to my own life, aku jadi orang paling pengecut. Aku lari dari semua benda. Apa benda pun tak pernah selesai. Aku biar je apa yang jadi dengan alasan "ni balasan aku sebab lukakan hati kau dulu"

Aku nak mintak maaf, sebab aku masih lagi akan jauhkan diri dari kau. Aku tak tahu sampai bila. Mungkin selamanya? Entah. Sebab aku tak pernah berjaya.

Sorry.

p/s: kalau kau tahu kau siapa, aku nak mintak kerjasama, jangan contact aku, tu je.